jmb783@gmail.com

Everyone's been doing "Memories" posts on Facebook and Myspace lately,
so I figure I'll get my say in. I was talking to my cousin Kristin and
she brought up how I used to throw dirt at her when I was younger. My
reply was surprise; not that I did things like that, because I did
them all the time, but that I didn't remember doing it. Yet even
though I didn't remember, she still does, fifteen or so years later.
It's odd how the things people remember about you can be miles away
from what you thought they'd remember.

Needless to say, it also underscores the fact that our every word and
action carry an importance far beyond what you think they will.
Luckily for me, dirt-throwing was a pretty harmless (and pretty funny)
thing to remember. But who's going to remember the time you jokingly
called them fat; you forgot about it because you were "only joking,"
but it turns out that they've struggled with self-image for a while
and your "joke" hit them in the place that hurts most? Who's going to
remember the time you were too busy with schoolwork to lend an ear
when they needed it? Who's going to remember when you worked two jobs
and never had time to hang out? What do your priorities and your words
tell people - and what sort of damage are you doing to your witness,
on top of that?

Jesus' half-brother James compares the tongue to a forest fire (3:5),
able to do great damage with just a small spark.  Jesus himself said
that anyone who called his brother a fool would be liable to burn in
hell (Matt. 5:22).  Do a quick concordance search for "tongue" and see
how frequently the word pops up.  Clearly it's a bigger deal than we
tend to make it.  When we're discussing the sins in our lives,
gossiping usually comes up, and everyone's head nods.  Yet we make a
horrible mistake if we think that gossip is where sins of the tongue
end.  They have the power to harm…or to build up.

Here's a good example.  I played softball on the NorthWoods church
team this summer, and I ended the season with a batting average in the
low .700s (that's good, for the non-baseball people, and I believe it
was the highest on the team). In two consecutive games, though, I came
up to bat with two outs and the bases loaded and failed to bring
anyone home. I strongly doubt anyone else on the team remembers that,
but it haunted me for the next few games; I know I'm not a clutch
hitter, and I was worried that they'd start to think badly of me as
well. Turns out that what they remembered about my hitting wasn't what
I thought they were going to.

As it happens, I'm a very fast runner, and I could hit a soft ground
ball and be to first base before the throw came. In several games, by
the second or third time I was at bat, the fielders would be calling,
"This one's got wheels!" I doubt any of those people remember who I
am, and I doubt I would recognize them if I ever saw them again, but
the random compliment sure did feel good. Much in the same way that we
can accidentally offend people, we can also "accidentally" pick them
up. The challenge we all face, as Christians in an overwhelmingly
negative world, is to drop far more pick-me-ups than put-me-downs. Let
me let you in on a little secret: people like feeling good about
themselves. They're drawn to people who make them feel good about
themselves. Unfortunately, it takes a tremendous burden to be that
kind of person, and it also feels awkward because so few other people
give random compliments to people. The fact that building people up is
in any way out of the ordinary just says everything about the world we
live in.

The question we have to answer at the end of the day is simple. How do
you want to be remembered? Reliable? Trustworthy? Encouraging?
Caustic? Offensive? Cause you get to pick how you treat people. As the
keeper of the Holy Grail said in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade":
"Choose...wisely."

Copyright by Jim Barringer